My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend
4 Comments
Written by admin on November 22, 2009 – 10:49 am
Dear Yeti,
My I have been dating this girl for a few months now and I can’t seem to get over the fact that her best friend is another guy. Apparently Angela my girlfriend has been best friends with Glen nearly all her life. Their parents are friends and they grew up together. Glen is straight and has his shit together as far as I can tell which makes me think he has to be into my girlfriend a little bit. I guess he has never done anything that should make me suspicious, and he has warmed up to me as I get to know him more.
I’m totally thrown by this situation and I don’t want to end up looking like a chump. I really like Angela and it’s not a deal breaker at all it’s just weird to have him call when we are hanging out, or drop by her place without calling. What really makes me nuts is when she ditches me to go hang out with him.
What do I do? Should I try to get ahead of this guy in the eyes of my girlfriend or should I just live with it?
Ted?
Dear Ted,
I’m not gonna lie to you Ted; this has romantic comedy written all over it. Jon Favreau could play you, Keanu Reeves will be Glen and Angela will be played by Kate Hudson. I will be the narrator but my voice over will be done by Matthew McConaughey or John Bon Jovi. Maybe M. Night can direct.
Opposite-sex friendships are tricky and can be a direct threat to the relationship only if you let them. The truth is that there is nothing you can do to prevent these two childhood friends from running off together or whatever it is you are fearing in the back of your head. Really the only thing you can do is say or do things that make you seem insecure and untrusting.
Before you get too discouraged, ask yourself this: they have known each other how long and never hooked up? Why is that? Is this guy really a threat? Nothing turns a girl off like a jealous, controlling boyfriend who tries to get in between her and her friends. Remember, it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and keep your love relationship strong and healthy. With this said, there are some guidelines a platonic relationship should follow:
- No secrets allowed! Everyone should know each other and know about the friendship. If anything should change in the friendship, your partner needs to know.
- Time spent with the friend should never be more than the time spent with your partner.
- Never make your partner feel that he/she isn’t the most important relationship to you. This goes unsaid: the romantic relationship, no matter how new, should be or have the potential to be more intimate than that of your opposite sex friend.
- Never put your friend’s needs before your partner’s needs. By making your partner your number-one priority, the mystery surrounding the friendship diminishes, and your partner will more likely view the friend as a real person.
A Yeti
ok you should listen to that advice and also ask her if she likes you she will tell you everything im not saying to ask her to stop hanging out with her friend (wrong thing to do) just ask if she may have feelings for her friend with out realizing it. if she does you might have to let her go but still be friends. REMEMBR friends last forever realtionsships come and go.
Well Ted, I feel your pain. I have been in a plutonic relationship with a girl for six years. I’ve seen boyfriends come and go several times over the years and they all pretty much respond the same when they are made aware that their new girlfriend has a 6′5″ 225lb black man as a best friend. It was funny to me at first, but I began to realize that my presence was running away potentially great guys from my best friends life. We did absolutely everything together, and it made the guys insecure. I thought about how I would feel if I were in their shoes and knew that my girlfriend was out and about with this guy who in each case was more successful than the boyfriend. I much to the chagrin of my friend distanced myself from her. Although I am still there if she needs me, there is a distinct difference in our relationship. Since the time I’ve distanced myself from her, she has been in a committed relationship with this guy who seems to be ok. I am very happy to see that her relationship has been able to flourish in my absence. Although painful, I am happy with the outcome of my decision. If I were you I would either move on to another woman, or let her know in no uncertain terms that you are uncomfortable with her relationship. If you don’t you will remain miserable.
I agree with you. That was a very mature and careing choice you made to step back but still be there for your friend. I can see the problem. If the shoe was on the other foot Id feel very uncomfortable and would want to know I was just as important. but then again if the person is into them enough it will happen. and there friendship will still be strong.
Hey you do right in being suspicious but also you are doing wrong in not trusting her.What you need to do is look at the little things and look outside the box, how much time you and her spend together and how much time she and him spend together also. dont tell her to choose she will feel offended but ask her little questions until you find out what you want to hear. also have a little talk with her friend but not a tough talk you dont want to make your girlfriend mad.