Ask A yeti » Friendship

I Think I’m In Love With My Boss

admin — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 10:20:10 +0000

Dear Yeti,

I think I may be in love with my boss. I have been working at my new job for 3 months now. I begun picking up on subtle romantic undertones from my boss who is in his forties and happily married. One day he asked me if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle, so I went. After that day I got so turned on everytime I am around him. Eventually it happened where we were together alone in our shop and we had the most amazing sex I’ve ever had in my life. After that he told me that what happened was a mistake and that he was really in love with his wife. I’m not the type of girl to get involved with a married man but I can’t stop thinking about him. Plus everyone in our shop says that his wife is a lesbian. I never wanted to be in a situation like this but here I am. I don’t dare lead on that I’m into him as much as I am but it’s starting to interfere with my work. What’s really messing me up is that my boss is almost 20 years older than me. Should I start snooping into his personal life to see if I am missing something about his supposed marriage or should I just back off entirely.

Betty Bop

Dear ABC,

Dear BB

This guy doesn’t happen to be a professional golfer by any chance does he? Why are you using the gossip of coworkers to justify your infidelity with this guy? You need to realize that all that talk about the boss’s wife being a closet lesbian is just hear say. No you can’t use that to validate any future “transgretions” (Shout out to the Tiger Woods legal team for this phrase). Oh and by the way all this dirty laundry about the boss’s gay wife will be peanuts compared to the gossip that will come out if you don’t cool it with this affair. I think what you are really asking me is do I get out of this situation, and how?

First off your poor philandering boss is probably scared he’s going to loose both his business and his wife over his misconduct. It’s probably best to discuss this situation with him one on one before doing anything else. The fact that he has cut off your romantic relationship cold turkey is probably a sign that he does remain a shred of dignity, and wishes to regress into his quasi normal life again. Advise him that you wish to air out all your feelings with him and ask if he has anything to divulge. Should you tell his wife? Yea probably, being open and honest is cathartic and help you add closure to this chapter in you life. However you should put out some feelers on this first. If it’s true that this marriage is a sham and he is nothing but a beard for his wife it may be a valid excuse for putting the breaks on the confession. The truth is that other peoples relationships can be incomprehensible for outsiders and that infidelity and public infidelity can be two different things entirely.

Lastly women who have and act on their “daddy complex” are often easy targets for crafty married men. Try dating unattached men your own age with whom you can relate to.

A Yet

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My Girlfriend’s Boyfriend

admin — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 14:49:11 +0000

Dear Yeti,

My I have been dating this girl for a few months now and I can’t seem to get over the fact that her best friend is another guy. Apparently Angela my girlfriend has been best friends with Glen nearly all her life. Their parents are friends and they grew up together. Glen is straight and has his shit together as far as I can tell which makes me think he has to be into my girlfriend a little bit. I guess he has never done anything that should make me suspicious, and he has warmed up to me as I get to know him more.

I’m totally thrown by this situation and I don’t want to end up looking like a chump. I really like Angela and it’s not a deal breaker at all it’s just weird to have him call when we are hanging out, or drop by her place without calling. What really makes me nuts is when she ditches me to go hang out with him.

What do I do? Should I try to get ahead of this guy in the eyes of my girlfriend or should I just live with it?

Ted?

Dear Ted,

I’m not gonna lie to you Ted; this has romantic comedy written all over it. Jon Favreau could play you, Keanu Reeves will be Glen and Angela will be played by Kate Hudson. I will be the narrator but my voice over will be done by Matthew McConaughey or John Bon Jovi. Maybe M. Night can direct.

Opposite-sex friendships are tricky and can be a direct threat to the relationship only if you let them. The truth is that there is nothing you can do to prevent these two childhood friends from running off together or whatever it is you are fearing in the back of your head. Really the only thing you can do is say or do things that make you seem insecure and untrusting.

Before you get too discouraged, ask yourself this: they have known each other how long and never hooked up? Why is that? Is this guy really a threat? Nothing turns a girl off like a jealous, controlling boyfriend who tries to get in between her and her friends. Remember, it is possible to have friends of the opposite sex and keep your love relationship strong and healthy. With this said, there are some guidelines a platonic relationship should follow:

No secrets allowed! Everyone should know each other and know about the friendship. If anything should change in the friendship, your partner needs to know.

Time spent with the friend should never be more than the time spent with your partner.

Never make your partner feel that he/she isn’t the most important relationship to you. This goes unsaid: the romantic relationship, no matter how new, should be or have the potential to be more intimate than that of your opposite sex friend.

Never put your friend’s needs before your partner’s needs. By making your partner your number-one priority, the mystery surrounding the friendship diminishes, and your partner will more likely view the friend as a real person.

A Yeti

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Daddy Swap

admin — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 20:51:46 +0000

Dear Yeti,

I recently found out that I am three months pregnant. The problem is that my boyfriend and I have only been dating for two months. I wish this all was’nt happening because we really do love each other and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to lose him, so is there a way I can make him think the baby is his? I know he will be the best father for the child. Do you think this will work?

Expecting

Dear Expecting,

Yeah, that should work flawlessly, I’m sure, because there is nothing men like to hear more after a two month courtship than “Honey, I’m pregnant with your child.” Yes, that was all sarcasm but I’m asking you, to take a step back and observe the delusion that you have created. This may be a reasonable solution in what ever trailer-park you are writing from but let me say this as clearly as possible, “no you can’t choose yo baby daddy.” Rather you can, you just have to do it before conception. Just because you’re in a good place right now with this new guy doesn’t mean that the baby bomb is going to make things easier. It’s actually more likely to cause a great deal of change in your relationship. This will happen regardless if it’s his child or not. Once you can objectively look at this situation I think you will start to understand what you must do.

First off I assume this idea of motherhood is a new concept for you. You’re probably confused and undoubtedly scared. It should start sinking in that you are growing a new life inside of you and that this little one is your responsibility (along with the genetic father). Try seeing this whole “daddy swap” idea through the baby’s eyes. No child wants to be born into a deceptive mess like you are talking about creating. So this should be your first red light.

Just because you think you have the power to rewind the tape and change who fathered your child doesn’t make it the right thing to do. Most of all, the delusion that this will make your life easier is both selfish and incorrect. If you follow through on this it will backfire on you and will only serve to alienate both the genetic father, the make-believe father, and the child, leaving you all alone. Is this really what you want to happen? Do you really want your life to turn into an episode on the Tyra Banks show?

It should become clear to you now that telling your former lover about his baby and breaking the news to your now boyfriend is the easiest way to go. It will be hard in the beginning, but things will get easier with time and the trust you build with both men will be your reward. Evolution of the modern family is growing without boundaries. Don’t sell yourself short by doing what is easier now and worrying about it for the rest of your life. You will soon be busy with raising your child and these difficulties will seem small in comparison.

A Yeti

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The Accidental Bootycall

admin — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:52:29 +0000

Dear Yeti,

I have really messed up with this guy I like. I may have turned myself into a booty call in the eyes of a great guy. I’d like to keep my options open and don’t want to be seen simply as a late-night hook-up. Here’s the story…

We met at a bar after he came into my tattoo shop. I really liked him and I think he felt the same. We exchanged numbers but I didn’t hear from him for the typical week or two. He invited me to a few parties. I’d stop by at the end of the night (after going out with my girlfriends) and have a drink or two and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Nothing serious. Then he invited me to his b-day bash and once again I showed up late… but not as late this time.

Well, That’s when it started. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other! We headed for his bedroom and didn’t leave til the next day. He called the following week to see how I was. He made a few attempts asking me to meet him for a beer or come hang out. But every time he called I already had plans with my girls. So I would tell him I’d call when we got done. Well somehow I turned this great guy into a late night call…. a booty call.It’s not exactly what I wanted but I am not sure if I wanted to jump into a relationship either. How can I just as easily and casually get it back to the regular playing field? I would love to get out of this booty call slump before it is what we become to each other. But I don’t want to stop having sex with him either.

What can I do?
Another Booty Call

Dear ABC,

BBBooooty Call! Really? You missed his whole birthday party by bar hopping with all your friends, pop in late night to drop off his “present.” You’re really worried that he thinks you’re a booty call? You’ve got to be kidding me. If anything he is the booty call.

First off, a booty call for a girl is probably the worst proposition in the dating scene. If you were his booty call you would be writing me about how this guy strikes out at last call with all the “local talent” and comes throwing rocks at your window come 3:00 in the morning. That’s a booty call, and it’s not exactly romantic.

You didn’t want or are not yet emotionally available for a real relationship with this guy or you would have done several of these things differently: blown off your friends instead, arrived on time for his birthday party, etc. I think you have to ask yourself why haven’t you guys gone to a movie or met for coffee? Is it his fault or yours? He has been calling you to see if you’re available.

I think you have been testing this guy out slowly or “trying him on” and you’ve come to the conclusion that he’s a good fit. Now you want to rewind the tape before these late night hook-ups are all you have.

It sounds to me like you have this guy right where you want him. Just make sure you are clear with him that it’s time to do some real dating. He may resist a little as he has been getting the milk for free. You are a great physical match and know enough about him that still interests you. I’m sure he feels the same. If you wanna eventually put this guy in ink, you are going to have to set some boundaries. Try seeing him during the day, and cutting off the sex cold turkey is a must at least until you see the attitude of your relationship changing.

A Yet

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The Closet Bi-Sexual

admin — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 05:24:56 +0000

Dear Yeti,

This may sound wierd to you because its probably never happened before on your website. I am of bisexual orientation which means I experience sexual, emotional, or affectional attractions between both sex’s. I have been really down lately. I started having feeling for this boy about a year ago, and at first i was surprised at the fact that i was feeling anything toward another guy, but eventually I just kind of went with it. I loved him from a distance, because thats all I could do. I was friends with him and someone who hated him and bothered him all the time for being bi. I knew that if I was discovered as a member of the bisexual community then I would share his fate. After a few months, I tried to hook him up with one of my other friends who stalked him obsessivley because I knew that she had a chance with him. At first he didnt want to even look at her, but then he started liking her, and then he became overwhelmed by her. I was so happy until 2 months ago, when she found out about how much I loved him. She felt terrible, she said she was selfish. I told her she wasnt but she didnt believe me. She almost broke up with him because of me, and if his heart would have been crushed, mine would have been too. I got her to agree to stay with him, but only on one condition, I had to tell him how I felt. I became scared. The night after, I told him. He was silent . After a moment he started talking about how he just wanted to stay friends(which is what I wanted him to say). After realizing how hard I fell for him, I cried for maybe 10 minutes. That day. The next day I cried for 20, then an hour. It became so bad that I was crying for 4 hours a day. Suddenly it all took a turn for the worst. He became mad and sad at the same time. He would always accuse me of trying to mess up his relationship with her, and proclaim that she and I were falling in love. It hurt a lot. It hurt for him just to say something like that, to think something like that. That I would ever hurt him. I flew into depression, and I stayed there for a while, maybe a month and a half. During this time ,however, I was placed in therapy. Slowly I was pulled out of the darkness that surrounded me. I was better until about 2 days ago. Hes moving to seattle in 2 months. What do I do?!?!?!

sincerely,
Wildo Wierdo

Dear Wierdo,

First off the yeti is horrible with spelling and grammar, so I have a spell gray squirrel do my spell checking. I wish I could say the same for everyone who writes me. However I post all letters as they are sent to me without any alteration as I feel this is the most honest format for my advice column.

Yes I know what bi-sexual means. The fact that you feel the need to explain it to me makes me wonder how familiar you are with the concept. From reading your letter I get the feeling that your past romantic history has not lent itself to many male lovers. I think that your infatuation with this guy is not only due to your physical attraction but also because is some ways you are envious of his sexuality and his freedom of expression. You are a manipulative asshole who does not deserve this guy, sorry but it’s true.

You clearly set up your girlfriend to date him so you could live vicariously through her and or be privy to private details of their love life. You set them up because you are too insecure to pursue this guy yourself. Now they are together and apparently happy (until you intervened) so back off, you made your bed now lay in it. You are not involved or in control of this relationship just because you believe that you created it. This guy has every right to reject your friendship and your romantic advances. You were manipulative and deceptive even if you can’t see it yourself.

Now let’s briefly venture off into a different direction. The final sentence of your letter is telling me that you are still desperate for this guy, even though he is moving away. He moving away is good thing. You need a fresh start in your life, and this could be a good opportunity. You began your friendship in a deceitful way and he has never returned your affection or shown any interest in forgiving you. Admit to yourself no matter how strong your feelings are for this person you messed up and he is gone.

You need to get in touch with why you created this mess in the first place. Ask yourself what prevented you from coming right out and telling this guy how you felt? What is it about your own sexuality that you are so ashamed about? It’s your insecurity that you really need to overcome before the next Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. If you are in therapy, please listen to these professionals they can help you with a lot of this stuff. Most of all stop playing puppet master with all your friends, this never goes unpunished.

A Yeti

Wierdo\Weirdo

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The Wondering Eye

admin — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 05:59:08 +0000

Dear Yeti,
I have been married for going on two years now. My husband is the apple of my eye. I think about him all day when we are not together. I’m not trying to sound obsessed but I love him a lot. When we go out I sometimes catch him looking at other women. This makes me insane with rage and I can’t say anything to him when I catch him do it. Rather I end up snapping sometime later over a smaller and unrelated incident. What can I do to stop this? Is this his problem, or mine?

Thankx,
Carry

Dear Carry

Congratulations you are a very lucky woman. Wait I may have gotten ahead of myself, I?ll pick up that thought in a minute. Ahh yea how annoying, he?s checking out every hot little thing that walks by. I get the feeling you are catching him do this a lot (or at least you think you are). And you see this as a growing problem. Lets deal with this in three parts: your problem, his problem, and the reality.

You are really into this guy and on some level no matter how small, you are afraid of losing him to another woman. When you see him checking out other women it pinches that nerve of insecurity and makes you ask your self ?why am I not enough for him?? All this adds up to extreme anxiety for you then you act out. Because you are paranoid I assume you also keep a close watch on this guy, always know where he is, monitor credit card and cell phone bills for incriminating evidence (strange hotel charges, long late night calls, exc.) Because you have not mentioned any suspicious of affairs or acts on betrayal it?s safe to say you are really just concerned about him ?looking? at other women. Congratulations you are in a committed relationship with a man who loves you. Take a minute and digest this.

Your husband is subject to forces beyond his control, it?s a cruel trick being played by his DNA from back when we were monkeys. Turn on your TV; I?m sure there will be a documentary on animal breading rituals sometime today. Part of dragging a penis around this pebble of a planet (animal or human) is the carnal need to put it somewhere. Sorry too graphic? Well it?s true, monogamy is a relatively new concept given the 10,000 years or evolution. Any man able to comply with this should be rewarded. This is why he looks, hell he probably even thinks about other women. None of this should worry you so stop being so insecure. If I had any advise on this topic it would be watch out for the guys who aren?t looking. That just isn?t natural and he could be hiding something.

The reality is that he is not acting on his primal urges. It?s just a little peek to satisfy his curiosity. Nothing can make a man more confused than a woman who builds up her anger then explodes on something unrelated. It?s unclear and confusing. Try dealing with your frustration in the moment or just buy him some sunglasses. If this fails to satisfy you can always return the favor by checking out other dudes. I suggest the sleazier the better (your club hopping mechanic, the bartender, the real estate agent who you met with last week that used to be on ?days of our lives?), these kind of guys should be easy to find and they are sure to get you point across.

A yeti

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It’s Probably Racial

admin — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 05:58:17 +0000

Dear Yeti,
I am in a three-year relationship with a man from a different race to who I am recently engaged. My family and friends have been nothing but supportive but I am starting to feel pressure from his side. I feel that their culture is so serious and exclusive. Now that things are getting more serious I feel like they are objecting to our possible future together.

It’s not just the family it’s also other people. People in public sometimes give us looks like they are trying to figure what we are doing together. Sometimes I just feel a general disaproval from people I don’t know. Are we doing something wrong? I mean are we making a mistake by pursing a potentially complex interracial marriage?

Scheri,
San Diego, CA

Dear Scheri,

Yes you are absolutely doing something wrong, humans should never, mix races, never. Stop what you are doing and find a guy who looks just like you and pursue a relationship with him. How does that sound? Hmmm wait for it… wait for it…Light bulb! That sounds ridiculous doesn’t it?

You need to ask yourself, what is your attraction to this guy? It’s probably that in addition to his compatibility, his differences bring a new richness to into your life. This is a wonderful thing and not at all something you should be questioning. What you should be questioning is this vibe you’re getting from his friends and family. Please allow me to extrapolate and make few assumptions on your behalf. We are not just talking about the mixing of two races, or two cultures. We’re also talking about the mixing of religions aren’t we?

If we are, lets get something straight. Everyone navigating the challenging waters of monogamy has to learn to compromise. This problem is not unique to your relationship. Stop living in a vacuum and look around. I’m reminded of the Waylon Jennings song “Good hearted woman in love with a good time’n man,” and how the clean freaks I know have all married a closet pig and so on and so on. Being in a relationship and committing to it does not mean overlooking the differences it means adapting to them, no matter how hard it may be. In your case the people in his background were expecting his wife to be similar to them and they defiantly were hoping his wife would become an asset to the family. This can still be done without converting religions or loosing all your integrity. Here are a few examples. If they’re first language is different, than learn it. If they have traditions that are unfamiliar to you, accommodate them.

Look to the future. Should you choose to have children they will need to have one foot planted in both cultures. This is a value system that you and your husband will need to understand if you are ever going to teach them. Like it or not Society will play a role in this as well. Your children will likely go through periods of confusion as they grow up. The stronger your relationship with your future husbands family, the stronger sense of self your children will have. If the newly elected president Barach Obama provides any insight it’s that the cultural climate in the United States is changing and that any reservations you may have socially about your interracial relationship are plain insecurities on your part. I speak from experience I have been in a very rewarding relationship with an abdominal snowwoman for years now and have never looked back.

A Yeti

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The Spanish Ginger

admin — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 06:00:28 +0000

Dear Yeti,
I’m 22 and in my last year of college and I’ve had a crush on this guy at my university who is a year younger than me and who is going into his 2nd year; the thing is that I study overseas. We will both be leaving our university and going different countries come next summer but I can help but have a crush on this guy now and it’s been about six weeks.

It started out harmless, I just wanted to be his friend but soon I realized that he was really funny and he’s tall with green eyes and he has red hair which I know most people don’t like but for some reason I am attracted to. I think it’s because I might have thing for Irish boys but this guy is Spanish and speaks English with an accent and that is totally normal here because I’m in Spain but when he does it, it’s cute.

My mom says that I shouldn’t, “shit where I eat,” and I know she is right but it’s to the point where I can’t concentrate when I’m around him and he even makes me feel giddy. I even get excited on the days that I know I’m going to see him at school. Now he is done with class but I have another three weeks. I want to hang out with him and I have made a couple of attempts but one was on a whim and it was late and the metro was closed so he couldn’t come into the city and the second time he got the message too late.

I think he feels more comfortable around me but I always feel lost when it comes to the opposite sex here in Spain, seriously this cultural difference is not so good for my self esteem. I miss my American boys that I can read easily but I can’t help but like this one Spanish guy.

Help! I want to hang out with him and see if he likes me but I’m getting lost in the translation!

Thanx,
Crushin’ on Carrot Top

Dear Crushin’ on Carrot Top,

Ahhhhhhh that’s the sound of thousands of American men sighing in satisfaction at the revelation that women also have it uphill when it comes to romance in the suave European dating pool. Many a college student has returned to the United States with fabricated European love affairs. I am personally responsible a fictitious narrative regarding two French chicks after a Coldplay concert. These stories only serve to perpetuate the myth that hooking up on an oversea adventure is easy. It isn’t, but that shouldn’t prevent you from getting to know this guy. It sounds like you are off to a good start; you’re already on his radar as a friend. All you really have to do now is find the romance button.

Your mom tells you not to shit where you eat… really. Is she a drill sergeant for the Marine Corp? Hmmm well it’s totally understandable that you would fall for the ever-reclusive “Ginger Spaniard”. They are rare and irresistible to say the least. Let me rectify the lousy advise given to you by your mother. You should definitely “ir al cagar donde se come” or shit where you eat. You say you are getting lost in the translation, this can be a good thing. Because english is not his first language communication with you is probably more intense for him. Try easing his Burdon by complementing him on his English, and keeping the conversations simple. In this day and age you almost certainly have common interests: food, music, artists, athletes (try tennis players.) Even more exciting are the things in which you don’t have in common culturally. These can lead to long late night conversations that may lead to a more intimate experience.

If this fails you have probably the most lethal of all dating tools right under your nose. Ask to practice your Spanish with him. How much Spanish you currently speak is irrelevant. If he agrees to help you, you’ll be guaranteed his undivided attention. The great thing about practicing a second language is that is nearly all question asking and response. This allows you to ask him all sorts of personal questions under the guise of a Spanish lesson. How else could you (in the context of normal social behavior) ask him all about his: interests, likes and dislikes, family, love life, exc. This will not only get you more acquainted with each other it will show your interest in his culture which is a must in any international friendship.

A Yeti

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Two’s Company, Four is a Crowd

admin — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:57:43 +0000

Dear Yeti,

I For a while now my circle of friends has consisted of myself, Becca, and Alexa. Everything was going fine until I brought a guy into the group, Kevin. I liked him, but all of a sudden Becca and Alexa started liking him. Kevin and Becca grew feelings for each other and went behind my back to hang out. Alexa started going crazy and yelling at everyone.

Now I find out that Becca and Kevin have been keeping things from me, but I can’t seem to yell at them or stay mad at them. Becca told me he was keeping her from cutting again, and Kevin is so depressed that he can’t go out with her. But I know if they went out, everything would change and I would no longer be the best friend. I don’t mind putting myself second, but they won’t go out for me and I feel like I’m in the way. I don’t know what to do. I wish I could just stay mad at them.

Sincerely,
Morally Pissed Off:/

Dear MPO,

Part of providing an informed response (to questions asked by strangers) is the need to play detective. Hidden in the context of every letter are clues to the condition and state of mind of the writer. This information provides context to the situation at hand. This has never been as important in my short history of writing an advice blog as it is with your letter. One thing for sure is that my heart goes out to you and I’m suspicious that you are a very special and wonderful person who is trapped in the inner workings of an adolescent love triangle. This will probably in someway shape your future, immediate and distant, although the catch is that you won’t realize it until you are more seasoned in the art of love. All I can do is try and guide you with insight from my distant perspective, on the human condition.

I put you at about 14 years old but I am hoping that you are a little more in the 15-16 range. I am also making assumptions on your regional and economic situations but I am keeping them to myself. I also think that you are very impressionable and I should point out that I am a Yeti and not a licensed therapist, therefore, you should also run this dilemma by your family and other people you trust.

Why did you bring Kevin into your group? I know for a fact that you just met him. Why did you introduce him to your circle of friends, and not keep your friendship “romantic or not” just between he and you. Don’t know? Here’s the answer. You are celebrating your own insecurity and you are hoping that some guy will walk into your life who is willing to fill the void and treat you like you’re special. Here is the problem that you can’t and probably will never understand. All (most) teenage boys are hormonally unstable sociopaths whose lives are peppered with bouts of narcissism and selfishness. Pair that with a 24-7 erection and it’s not a cocktail for love or friendship. Whether you realize it or not, Kevin used you (a lot or just a little) to meet your friends (Becca) in an attempt to further widen his circle of romantic options. This shouldn’t upset you at all, in fact it’s very normal and you should feel the opportunity to meet some of his friends in hopes of making a romantic connection with a same-minded person. By the way, you may find interesting the history of the word narcissistic: The term is derived from the Greek myth of Narcissus. Narcissus was a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. His punishment was to be cursed to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus pined away and changed into the flower that bears his name, the narcissus.

I know you met Kevin first and I’m sure he’s a real dream-boat based on the fact that all three of you are interested in him. But you should know that the fact that you and Alexa are into him is only serving two purposes, none of which is in your favor. First off it’s padding the ego of both Kevin and Becca which will only strain the friendship you and she have. Lastly it’s reinforcing your own insecurities that Kevin picked her over you. Who knows why Kevin chose Becca?

If you were to see Kevin 20 years from now, I promise you he’ll have half the hair and weigh twice as much. Translation: he’ll be less dynamic physically and you’ll only care about friendship and the connection that you have. Which is why you should support the romance between your two friends and stop worrying that he didn’t sweep you off your feet. Again it’s not that you’re not pretty or funny or cool enough; it’s just he made a connection with Becca. I can not stress that enough. This is important to remember in conjunction with my next piece of advice.

You say that they have been “keeping things from you.” What things? Their romance? Or other things that are your business? When you say I can’t stay mad at them; what does that mean? Like I said before you shouldn’t be mad at them; they are your friends (especially Becca) and they haven’t done anything wrong. The phrase I can’t stay mad at them is something a doormat would say. I warn you; don’t let your insecurities overwhelm you, and you do have insecurities; everyone does. Take some time and remember what makes you great and refresh your memory on what you have to offer and I promise you this problem will resolve itself.

A Yeti

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The Too Cool Blues

admin — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 14:59:48 +0000

Dear Yeti,

I’m a freshman at UM and living in the dorm, and I have been an introvert all my life. I am feeling lonely with my family so far away and I am having problems meeting people. Since I am shy and insecure, people think I am acting arrogant, but that is not the real me. Everyone has told me that college is the time of your life. So far it’s been terrible.

My life is becoming very boring and I want to make some changes. Maybe I’m stuck in a rut or maybe my luck is bad. Is there something I’m doing wrong by being how I am or is this normal. No one seems to really be responding to my personality in the past and lately. I’m not a boring person; how can I get out there and meet somebody?

Lonely Guy,
Ann Anbor, MI

Dear Lonely Guy

I understand your dilemma. I’m 8’ foot tall, covered in hair, and I rarely bathe; you came to the right place. Now allow me to cut through the subtext of your letter and save us all a little time. In the beginning of your letter you say “I’m having trouble meeting people” but at the end you say how can I meet “somebody.” You’re obviously talking about the opposite sex.

Your attending MU, which because you are writing from Ann Arbor, I can assume means Michigan and not Missouri, Marquette, or Mankato. First off this is a big ten school; they like to party, partying is a great way to shed your shyness and interact. You’re a freshman which won’t allow you to troll the bars – you’ll be looking for house parties mostly. Which is a good thing. It’s very important to meet a group of people with whom you can cruise the campus. This is unlikely to happen in your next world of warcraft marathon. It’s important to remember that everyone in your dorm is also new to the environment so they are as likely as you to want to meet new people. Do not cling to the one guy you kind of know from your hometown and your older sister’s best friend. Instead look for groups of people. They’ve got clubs for everything from Religion to Ultimate Frisbee. Go online and check out the Clubs, Sports, & Greek Life Section of the MU webpage. It’s important to remember two things: get out of your room and start interacting and always be your self.

These are some of the best times of your life because you are free to evolve and reinvent yourself according to who you want to become. Sitting in your dorm room cranking Prince’s “get off” may draw in a few skanks but that’s not a good game plan. It’s not the 1950’s and you’re not at a sock hop. Try to meet groups of people to hang out with. In this group there will be the opportunity to casually meet women, (or Men) with whom you already have something in common. That’s how you meet “people,” and the larger the circle the larger the opportunity. Lastly be reasonable with your expectations. Right now you’re taking advise from someone who wipes his ass with pinecones and hasn’t let anyone take his photo in 50 years. This type of change in your social behavior will not happen overnight.

A Yeti

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