Ask A yeti » Sex

Handsome Andy

admin — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 19:47:45 +0000

Dear Yeti,
I’ve got a problem with this new girl I’m dating. I have spent more money and more time going out with this girl than I’ve ever had with any other girl. I’m used to a little more action at this point I guess is what I’m saying. I’ve always gone out for drinks, then to a girl’s place or mine for sex or something like that. What’s even worse when I do make a move she will push me away and say it’s too soon. I feel our dates have been a waste. I’m ready for a relationship, and like her enough, but I’m not sure how much longer I can go without sex.

Handsome Andy

Dear Handsome Andy,

Are you writing me from some alternate universe where life is like some pornographic beer commercial? Some place where average looking dudes score major points with their offerings of lame jokes and Coors light? Really, you just casually bump into women at your local watering hole and take them home to “score,” regularly? I find this hard to believe but, whatever.

I take that back, women are obviously into you so you’re probably better than average looking. Which I think has led you down an unfortunate path when it comes to the opposite sex. Is it possible that you’re unfamiliar how to actually relate to women?

This girl you are with now probably wants to establish some sort of connection with you before she agrees to tolerate your unskilled love making sessions. Sounds crazy, huh! Don’t be alarmed; this is quite normal. Whatever physical attributes you may possess have conditioned you to think that bypassing any real human romantic emotion is a realistic option. Which has helped you get comfortable with your whole “f*** and run” scheme. I think you’ll find that you’re missing out.

Don’t let this girl go. For you she may be a lot of work, but hard work has its reward. With Valentines Day just around the corner, maybe it’s time to turn down the volume on your whole “player” idea and go for something with a little bit more substance. Most women hate being alone on Valentines Day so you’ve got a slow pitch right over the plate. Be sure to knock it out of the park and you’ll probably get an invite to play the old “in and out game” real soon.

A Yeti

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The Accidental Bootycall

admin — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 05:52:29 +0000

Dear Yeti,

I have really messed up with this guy I like. I may have turned myself into a booty call in the eyes of a great guy. I’d like to keep my options open and don’t want to be seen simply as a late-night hook-up. Here’s the story…

We met at a bar after he came into my tattoo shop. I really liked him and I think he felt the same. We exchanged numbers but I didn’t hear from him for the typical week or two. He invited me to a few parties. I’d stop by at the end of the night (after going out with my girlfriends) and have a drink or two and give him a quick kiss on the cheek. Nothing serious. Then he invited me to his b-day bash and once again I showed up late… but not as late this time.

Well, That’s when it started. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other! We headed for his bedroom and didn’t leave til the next day. He called the following week to see how I was. He made a few attempts asking me to meet him for a beer or come hang out. But every time he called I already had plans with my girls. So I would tell him I’d call when we got done. Well somehow I turned this great guy into a late night call…. a booty call.It’s not exactly what I wanted but I am not sure if I wanted to jump into a relationship either. How can I just as easily and casually get it back to the regular playing field? I would love to get out of this booty call slump before it is what we become to each other. But I don’t want to stop having sex with him either.

What can I do?
Another Booty Call

Dear ABC,

BBBooooty Call! Really? You missed his whole birthday party by bar hopping with all your friends, pop in late night to drop off his “present.” You’re really worried that he thinks you’re a booty call? You’ve got to be kidding me. If anything he is the booty call.

First off, a booty call for a girl is probably the worst proposition in the dating scene. If you were his booty call you would be writing me about how this guy strikes out at last call with all the “local talent” and comes throwing rocks at your window come 3:00 in the morning. That’s a booty call, and it’s not exactly romantic.

You didn’t want or are not yet emotionally available for a real relationship with this guy or you would have done several of these things differently: blown off your friends instead, arrived on time for his birthday party, etc. I think you have to ask yourself why haven’t you guys gone to a movie or met for coffee? Is it his fault or yours? He has been calling you to see if you’re available.

I think you have been testing this guy out slowly or “trying him on” and you’ve come to the conclusion that he’s a good fit. Now you want to rewind the tape before these late night hook-ups are all you have.

It sounds to me like you have this guy right where you want him. Just make sure you are clear with him that it’s time to do some real dating. He may resist a little as he has been getting the milk for free. You are a great physical match and know enough about him that still interests you. I’m sure he feels the same. If you wanna eventually put this guy in ink, you are going to have to set some boundaries. Try seeing him during the day, and cutting off the sex cold turkey is a must at least until you see the attitude of your relationship changing.

A Yet

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The Closet Bi-Sexual

admin — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 05:24:56 +0000

Dear Yeti,

This may sound wierd to you because its probably never happened before on your website. I am of bisexual orientation which means I experience sexual, emotional, or affectional attractions between both sex’s. I have been really down lately. I started having feeling for this boy about a year ago, and at first i was surprised at the fact that i was feeling anything toward another guy, but eventually I just kind of went with it. I loved him from a distance, because thats all I could do. I was friends with him and someone who hated him and bothered him all the time for being bi. I knew that if I was discovered as a member of the bisexual community then I would share his fate. After a few months, I tried to hook him up with one of my other friends who stalked him obsessivley because I knew that she had a chance with him. At first he didnt want to even look at her, but then he started liking her, and then he became overwhelmed by her. I was so happy until 2 months ago, when she found out about how much I loved him. She felt terrible, she said she was selfish. I told her she wasnt but she didnt believe me. She almost broke up with him because of me, and if his heart would have been crushed, mine would have been too. I got her to agree to stay with him, but only on one condition, I had to tell him how I felt. I became scared. The night after, I told him. He was silent . After a moment he started talking about how he just wanted to stay friends(which is what I wanted him to say). After realizing how hard I fell for him, I cried for maybe 10 minutes. That day. The next day I cried for 20, then an hour. It became so bad that I was crying for 4 hours a day. Suddenly it all took a turn for the worst. He became mad and sad at the same time. He would always accuse me of trying to mess up his relationship with her, and proclaim that she and I were falling in love. It hurt a lot. It hurt for him just to say something like that, to think something like that. That I would ever hurt him. I flew into depression, and I stayed there for a while, maybe a month and a half. During this time ,however, I was placed in therapy. Slowly I was pulled out of the darkness that surrounded me. I was better until about 2 days ago. Hes moving to seattle in 2 months. What do I do?!?!?!

sincerely,
Wildo Wierdo

Dear Wierdo,

First off the yeti is horrible with spelling and grammar, so I have a spell gray squirrel do my spell checking. I wish I could say the same for everyone who writes me. However I post all letters as they are sent to me without any alteration as I feel this is the most honest format for my advice column.

Yes I know what bi-sexual means. The fact that you feel the need to explain it to me makes me wonder how familiar you are with the concept. From reading your letter I get the feeling that your past romantic history has not lent itself to many male lovers. I think that your infatuation with this guy is not only due to your physical attraction but also because is some ways you are envious of his sexuality and his freedom of expression. You are a manipulative asshole who does not deserve this guy, sorry but it’s true.

You clearly set up your girlfriend to date him so you could live vicariously through her and or be privy to private details of their love life. You set them up because you are too insecure to pursue this guy yourself. Now they are together and apparently happy (until you intervened) so back off, you made your bed now lay in it. You are not involved or in control of this relationship just because you believe that you created it. This guy has every right to reject your friendship and your romantic advances. You were manipulative and deceptive even if you can’t see it yourself.

Now let’s briefly venture off into a different direction. The final sentence of your letter is telling me that you are still desperate for this guy, even though he is moving away. He moving away is good thing. You need a fresh start in your life, and this could be a good opportunity. You began your friendship in a deceitful way and he has never returned your affection or shown any interest in forgiving you. Admit to yourself no matter how strong your feelings are for this person you messed up and he is gone.

You need to get in touch with why you created this mess in the first place. Ask yourself what prevented you from coming right out and telling this guy how you felt? What is it about your own sexuality that you are so ashamed about? It’s your insecurity that you really need to overcome before the next Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. If you are in therapy, please listen to these professionals they can help you with a lot of this stuff. Most of all stop playing puppet master with all your friends, this never goes unpunished.

A Yeti

Wierdo\Weirdo

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