This may sound wierd to you because its probably never happened before on your website. I am of bisexual orientation which means I experience sexual, emotional, or affectional attractions between both sex's. I have been really down lately. I started having feeling for this boy about a year ago, and at first i was surprised at the fact that i was feeling anything toward another guy, but eventually I just kind of went with it. I loved him from a distance, because thats all I could do. I was friends with him and someone who hated him and bothered him all the time for being bi. I knew that if I was discovered as a member of the bisexual community then I would share his fate. After a few months, I tried to hook him up with one of my other friends who stalked him obsessivley because I knew that she had a chance with him. At first he didnt want to even look at her, but then he started liking her, and then he became overwhelmed by her. I was so happy until 2 months ago, when she found out about how much I loved him. She felt terrible, she said she was selfish. I told her she wasnt but she didnt believe me. She almost broke up with him because of me, and if his heart would have been crushed, mine would have been too. I got her to agree to stay with him, but only on one condition, I had to tell him how I felt. I became scared. The night after, I told him. He was silent . After a moment he started talking about how he just wanted to stay friends(which is what I wanted him to say). After realizing how hard I fell for him, I cried for maybe 10 minutes. That day. The next day I cried for 20, then an hour. It became so bad that I was crying for 4 hours a day. Suddenly it all took a turn for the worst. He became mad and sad at the same time. He would always accuse me of trying to mess up his relationship with her, and proclaim that she and I were falling in love. It hurt a lot. It hurt for him just to say something like that, to think something like that. That I would ever hurt him. I flew into depression, and I stayed there for a while, maybe a month and a half. During this time ,however, I was placed in therapy. Slowly I was pulled out of the darkness that surrounded me. I was better until about 2 days ago. Hes moving to seattle in 2 months. What do I do?!?!?!
sincerely, Wildo Wierdo
First off the yeti is horrible with spelling and grammar, so I have a gray squirrel do my spell checking. I wish I could say the same for everyone who writes me. However I post all letters as they are sent to me without any alteration as I feel this is the most honest format for my advice column.
Yes I know what bi-sexual means. The fact that you feel the need to explain it to me makes me wonder how familiar you are with the concept. From reading your letter I get the feeling that your past romantic history has not lent itself to many male lovers. I think that your infatuation with this guy is not only due to your physical attraction but also because is some ways you are envious of his sexuality and his freedom of expression. You are a manipulative asshole who does not deserve this guy, sorry but it’s true.
You clearly set up your girlfriend to date him so you could live vicariously through her and or be privy to private details of their love life. You set them up because you are too insecure to pursue this guy yourself. Now they are together and apparently happy (until you intervened) so back off, you made your bed now lay in it. You are not involved or in control of this relationship just because you believe that you created it. This guy has every right to reject your friendship and your romantic advances. You were manipulative and deceptive even if you can’t see it yourself.
Now let’s briefly venture off into a different direction. The final sentence of your letter is telling me that you are still desperate for this guy, even though he is moving away. He moving away is good thing. You need a fresh start in your life, and this could be a good opportunity. You began your friendship in a deceitful way and he has never returned your affection or shown any interest in forgiving you. Admit to yourself no matter how strong your feelings are for this person you messed up and he is gone.
You need to get in touch with why you created this mess in the first place. Ask yourself what prevented you from coming right out and telling this guy how you felt? What is it about your own sexuality that you are so ashamed about? It’s your insecurity that you really need to overcome before the next Mr. or Mrs. Right comes along. If you are in therapy, please listen to these professionals they can help you with a lot of this stuff. Most of all stop playing puppet master with all your friends, this never goes unpunished.